What to Do If You Are Being Abused

By Jean Francois "Punch" Rivera III

This legal guide by Jean Francois Rivera III, also known as Punch Rivera, discusses what to do if you are being abused in the Philippine context.

Abuse rarely announces itself clearly.

It does not always start with violence. Sometimes it begins with control. A raised voice. A threat that feels half-serious. Money being withheld. Messages that make you feel small. Over time, it builds into something harder to explain but impossible to ignore.

If you feel like something is not right, that instinct matters.

The law does not require you to wait until things get worse.

Start here.

1. Call it what it is

Abuse is not limited to physical harm.

Under Violence Against Women and Their Children Act, abuse can be physical, sexual, psychological, or economic. That includes intimidation, repeated verbal attacks, stalking, controlling your finances, or preventing you from working.

If it leaves you afraid, anxious, or controlled, it counts.

You do not need visible injuries for it to be real.

2. Put your safety first

Everything else comes after this.

If you feel in danger, leave if you can. Go somewhere safe. A friend’s house. A relative. Anywhere you can breathe and think clearly. There are also shelters and support centers available.

You do not need to wait for a “final incident” before stepping away.

3. Start keeping a record

Memory fades. Records do not.

Save messages. Take photos. Write down what happened and when. Patterns matter. Abuse is often a series of acts, not a single event.

This is not about building a case immediately. It is about protecting your version of the truth.

4. Tell someone

Silence is what keeps abuse going.

Talk to someone you trust. It does not have to be formal. It just has to be real. Having someone who knows what is happening changes the situation. It gives you support, and it gives you a witness.

You are not meant to carry this alone.

5. Know that the law can step in early

You do not have to wait for things to escalate.

You can apply for protection orders. These can be issued quickly, even at the barangay level, and strengthened through the courts. They are meant to stop the behavior before it gets worse.

They can:

• Order the abuser to stay away
• Stop contact or harassment
• Remove them from your home
• Provide financial support
• Protect your children

These are not extreme remedies. They are preventive.

6. Understand that abuse is taken seriously

Cases involving violence against women and children are treated as public offenses.

That means action can be taken even if you are not yet ready to file a formal complaint. The law recognizes that fear, dependence, and pressure often keep victims from speaking up.

You are not expected to handle everything perfectly.

7. Do not accept excuses

Abuse often comes with explanations.

Stress. Anger. Alcohol. Apologies that sound sincere for a while.

None of these erase what happened.

The law is clear. Being drunk or under the influence is not a defense. What matters is the act and its effect on you.

8. Financial control is also abuse

This is often missed.

If someone deliberately cuts off support, controls your money, or keeps you from earning so you remain dependent, that is economic abuse.

It may not leave marks, but it can trap you just the same.

9. Get help when you are ready

There is no single right moment.

When you are ready, you can go to the barangay, the police, social workers, or a lawyer. Each step does not lock you into the next. It simply opens options.

You move at your pace.

The Bottom Line

Abuse does not always look dramatic. Often, it is gradual. It wears you down until you start questioning your own judgment.

That is why clarity matters.

If you feel unsafe, controlled, or constantly on edge in your own space, something is wrong.

You do not need to prove everything today.

You just need to take the first step.

The law is there.

More importantly, you are allowed to protect yourself.

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About the author: Jean Francois "Punch" Rivera III writes legal explainers and public-interest guides for readers searching for Jean Francois Rivera III, Jean Francois Rivera, and Punch Rivera.